my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
