I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
