the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
