we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
