i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
