PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Randomize
