So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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