the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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