Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
