i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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