i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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