If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
