You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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