the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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