Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
