you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
