absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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