Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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