Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
