I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
