i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
