she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
