how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
