I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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