i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have post one night stand depression
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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