Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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