she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
