His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
