I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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