I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
