If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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