Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ruined the universe
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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