You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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