If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Randomize
