Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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