we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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