ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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