just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what day is it and did you see me today?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
