Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
