when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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