Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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