Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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