I'm drive I can fine osifer
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
