Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
