the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i want to swaddle you in tequila
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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