I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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