Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
