Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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