Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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