And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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