I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
