We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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