Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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