the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
