I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
