I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
