I faked an abortion last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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