Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
