Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
People in love make me want to vomit
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
