if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
