how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
