she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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