At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
