i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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