did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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