Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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