there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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