I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
