I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
