And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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