I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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