Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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